Hello there all,
I'm going to open up and talk about something that is kind of nerve wracking to talk about. It is kind of silly that it makes me nervous because it is something that you can all tell by looking at me or watching me as I am an overweight women. What am I talking about? I'm talking about my relationship with food. I overeat.
We all have a relationship swith food whether we want to or not, but food and I are real tight. I consume and consume and consume. Do I hate it? Of course I do! Do I stop? Sometimes. I want to at least. Here's the thing: food is my comfort measure, and I turn to it all the time. If I'm sad "well, I'll just eat to make me happy." If I'm stressed, "Well, if I eat, it will take my mind off of it for awhile." If I am happy, "let's eat to celebrate!" Ugh, it is awful, and I know it.
To add onto that emotional attachment, I also overeat due to not wanting to waste. It kills me when people waste anything or trash anything that doesn't need to be disposed of. So, I will eat the food, so it doesn't get thrown away. The habit is terrible, but I still practice it eating too much constantly. Want an example? Sneaking into the kitchen to eat the last little bit of something because I know it will just get thrown away
Over the years, I've tried myself to fight this battle and train my body to interact with food differently. I trained myself to dislike food and only eat things that are healthy. Last time I went through this mindset change, I lost 70 pounds. It was a wonderful feeling and accomplishment. However, life happened and shit just got a lot more complicated. So, I again turned to food. The best friend that is always around.
Right now, I am trying so hard to train my mind to realize that I can love food and interact with it in a healthy way. I can eat things that are healthy and view food as a good thing- not the enemy. Whenever I try to shift towards being healthy, I always hide from food and don't embrace it for this delectable art that it ism ALTHOUGH, it doesn't mean that I have to eat all of it. By saving the last bit, I can even save some for later to savor those last little bits. Food is not the enemy. It is how you interact with food that can be the enemy.
I'll keep you updated with how I am doing on this battle. Right now, I am happy to say that I am eating healthier (and loving the food) , signed up for a gym, and I feel amazing. However, I know that I still have more work on my relationship with food, and I am terrified that I will fall off the slope again.
-Autumn
